So many things about Christmas are special in Manchester. Like the packed out Deansgate bars full of awkward office parties where the attendees fake congenial feelings and pretend not to go home and bitch to their friends and spouses about each other every day at 5:30. Then there’s the feeling of elf diaspora as frantic shoppers wade through the Trafford Centre, as though their sole raison d’être is to source and deliver the perfect Christmas gift, and the unwavering aura of joviality that allows friendships of form on train platforms, restaurant bathrooms and on those long tables in the Christmas Markets bars.
But Mancunians unite to agree on this one universal, blue and red fact: Manchester Christmas markets are the best in the UK, and the food that they supply tops all other food, ever. Come the end of November you can keep your sit down meal in Spinningfields, I want to see £4 worth of Nutella pancakes in my hand. This raises the question, with so many fine delicacies to sample from huts around Manchester, which is most worth your money?
The Yorkshire Pudding Wrap
This is the Kim Kardashian of Christmas food. It’s new, it’s shiny, and you can’t scroll through your phone for more than three minutes without seeing a picture of it. But much like the Kardashian clan, it’s overrated and doesn’t have much sustenance.
The Nutella Pancake
The Nutella pancake is not a food, it’s an experience. You’re hypnotised from the moment you watch them flip those perfect, circular sections of heaven at a rate of 3 pancakes per second, to the moment you find the ideal bin/table position to devour them. Raw food never tasted so satisfying.
The Fancy Pizza
If the Yorkshire pudding wrap is the Kimmy K of the Christmas food world, then fancy pizza is the Princess Diana; not quite as trendy, doesn’t really fit in with its surroundings, but has oodles more subsidence, and taste.
The Pulled Pork Barm
The Pulled pork barm. What is there to say about the pulled pork barm? It’s delicious, obviously. And festive by nature due to the stuffing. So on paper, it ticks all the boxes…but you don’t rush out of work on a Friday for a pulled pork barm do you? It’s the equivalent of that girl in your class – she was pretty, clever, popular, and she laughed at all of the jokes. Didn’t make any of her own, though.
The king of the castle – it’s what the markets are about, and it you don’t like it, then lie. Save yourself the ostracization. Because after all, if you haven’t stood at the top of the windmill bar, fought your way into a table, eaten a bratwurst, drank a mulled wine and taken a picture of the giant Santa across from you, have you really been to the markets?
Words: Amy Cully Steele